I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wear drunk well.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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