I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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