and she was petting her beer can
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
