I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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