no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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