I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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