So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
