it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
