fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
