i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
