hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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