OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
