Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
