I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's even glitter on my cock...
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