Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
