Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
