I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
