Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
