Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
