I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
