We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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