its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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