I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
