So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i've created a new STD.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
