im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
