i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
