We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
