We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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