You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
