I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
