Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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