This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
