sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
