I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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