??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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