dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
