I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
