I think my fart just growled at me.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
