So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
