I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
