Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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