please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need water and some morals
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
