he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
