At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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