yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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