Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
