I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
