ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
