If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
