If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So squirting runs in the family.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
