I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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